Looking for some parenting rules to live by to help you and your family stay both happy and sane? Here are 13 rules that every parent should memorise and live by.
Table Of Contents
1. Your Yes Be Yes & Your No Be No
“Let your yes be yes and your no be no” is something my grandmother used to say, and sticking to this golden rule has really made parenting easier for me. It may sound a little old fashioned, but all it really means is “think before you speak and follow through on what you say”.
Let’s break this into 2 chunks.
Think before you speak
This is especially important when making idle threats. If you say to your kids, “if you keep doing that, we are never coming to Granny’s house again” your kids are unlikely to take you seriously. They know that you will never ban them from seeing their grandparents and are therefore full of it.
Soon they will begin to subconsciously distrust everything you say, both threats and promises.
This is why it is especially important to really think before you speak.
Do you really want to carry out this threat? Are you really going to take the time to follow through on this promise?
Follow through on what you say
If you say that only children who eat their vegetables get ice cream, or no they can’t have yet more money for some loud arcade machine, or only a certain amount of screen time per day follow through on it.
If you cave for a quiet life after excessive nagging, your kids will soon learn this and know that your words mean nothing.
Equally, if you have promised your child that you will do something with or for them – play a game, get them an ice cream, take them to the park, make sure that you follow through on these promises too.
2. Be On The Same Parenting Team
This one is SO important.
If you make one deal with your partner when you become parents, let it be “we must always present a united front”. Kids will soon learn off they can play one parent against another, they will do it, every time.
So if your partner says something that you disagree with them when it comes to your kids, do not debate it in front of them or override them in from of your children. Instead, have a quiet word and sort the problem out of reach of little ears.
3. Channel Your Inner Mary Poppins
I cannot tell you how many times that as a Mum of four I have asked myself “What would Mary Poppins do?” I ask this when I feel as if I am about to lose my cool. In my experience, it is not possible to be that amazingly calm parent 100% of the time, but as a rule, losing your rag rarely helps the situation.
So when your kids are next driving you nuts because you have asked them to put on their shoes for the eleventy-billionth time and they still haven’t, take a breath and try singing “Just a spoon full of sugar” in your head.
4. Remember You Are Their Parent, Not Their Freind
This is a super tough one to come to terms with – it is not your job to be your child’s friend. It is your job to love them and your job to parent them, but not to do what makes you popular with them.
Let’s face it, if we wanted to be popular with our kids we’d let them stay up as late as they wanted, eat only cake and ice cream for breakfast, not have to bother with things like showers and toothbrushes and never do homework again.
Will this make you popular with them? Initially, yes, until they grow up and ask why they have no qualifications or teeth because you failed to parent them.
5. Give Love & Praise In Abundance
As Mums we can feel like we spend our lives nagging about school bags and homework and how many more votes they have to eat, that it can be so easy to forget to praise for the good things our children do.
Praise does not have to be reserved for 1st place trophies. In fact, if your child copes with the disappointment of not coming first in something and manages to be please for the person who did win, that deserves high praise indeed!
So any time that your child tries hard at something that they normally struggle with, shows kindness and empathy, helps around the house or does anything at all that makes you smile – tell them.
Tell them how proud you are. Tell them how special they are. Tell them how much you love them, because sprinkling praise throughout the days will help them grow up to be happy and confident.
And hug them. A lot.
6. Use Fewer Words
Have you ever been on holiday to a foreign country only knowing the basics of the language? Maybe you’ve been to France and plucked up the courage to ask a question in your broken French that you learned in school, only to have a local come back at you will multiple sentences of fast and frantic French? Chances are, that you would have picked up some key words out of their response, but missed the gist of what they were saying.
Imagine your child is a tourist
If you use long convoluted sentences when gibing your child instructions, chances are, that like a tourist with only very basic English, they will miss most of what you are saying. Keep your instructions basic, brief and to the point and they are far more likely to be able to understand and therefore do as you ask.
7. Tell Your Kids What To Do, Not What Not To Do
Imagine a pink elephant, a huge bright pink elephant. (Stick with me, I’m going somewhere with this).
Now imagine that elephant in you house, filling your living room.
Now don’t think about the pink elephant
Don’t think about the pink elephant
Do not think about the pink elephant. Do not think about that bright shade of pink, or how big it is. Just stop thinking about that bright pink elephant! Stop it!
You’re thinking about the pink elephant, aren’t you?
This is the problem with telling your children what not to do
I’m not suggesting that you never issue instructions ever again, simply that you think about how you are phrasing things. Telling your children what not to do will inadvertently encourage them to do the very thing that you are trying to discourage. Try making these simple switches;
Don’t spill the drink becomes keep the drink in the cup.
Don’t run in the road becomes stay safe on the pavement.
Changing the way that you issue instructions like this can take some getting used to, but makes all the difference when communicating with your children.
8. Encourage Honesty
As discussed in The Most Important Rule To have In Your Family, honesty is something to encourage and reinforce with your children. They must learn that whatever happens, if they tell the truth, you can help them. In turn they need to trust and be able to rely upon you, so the truth works both ways. Check out the article by clicking the button below for more information.
9. Everyone Helps
As discussed in How To Get Your Family To Help Around The House, getting your children involved has benefits beyond sharing the housework burden.
Teaching your children to help with chores from a young age will teach them valuable skills that they can take into adult life.
10. The Power Of Sorry
“Sorry” can be a very hard thing for kids (and many adults) to say. Teach your child that, whether it happens intentionally or by accident, if they hurt or upset someone else, they just apologise.
There are so many adults that are totally incapable of apologising, do not let your child grow up to be another one.
Remember that this goes both ways, if you upset or let down your child in any way, make sure that you show that you are sorry.
11. Be Grateful For This Time
It’s been said a million times, but it’s true – childhood goes by in a flash. Your children are little for such a short time, try your best to make the most of it.
12. Give Yourself A Break
We are only human, remember that. We all lose it sometimes. We all have days where we are less than perfect parents. The important thing is that we give ourselves a break, stop berating ourselves, breathe and do better tomorrow.
13. Know This Too Shall Pass
Whatever stage you are at and currently struggling with, be it teething or tantrums or teens, know that this too shall pass. All we can do is our best each day, no-one can ask any more than that.
Love Rhi x
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